The One with A Million Little Pieces

Alhamdulillah.

The perfect word to start this post.  I am beyond blessed and contend with the changing phase in my life now. I am sorry if I didn’t reply comments, smses from you lovelies any earlier. Life has been very ‘challenging’ these days.

I thought it would be great if this post to be written in chronological order. Beginning from the day I gave birth to my precious daughter.

9 October 2010 (Saturday)

The day began with my usual check-up with Dr Marlik at Ampang Putri. I had the usual contraction test at the labour room before I went to see him. I started to feel the ‘real’ contraction during the test and the nurse in-charge confirmed my feeling. I didn’t take her words seriously on that morning. After half an hour spent at the labour room, off we went to Dr Marlik clinic for usual scan and check-up. Dr Marlik told me that by now my baby weighs around 3.8kg and he predicted that the baby will be around 3.6kg on birth. After setting up another appointment with Dr Marlik on 13 October 2010(my real EDD), we went for our usual breakfast at Mamak nearby.

Hubster was busy the whole day preparing the room for the baby at my parent’s house. I told him that the contraction keep coming at every 3 hours or so and he, the perfect hubster one can wish for, keep tracking of my contraction by writing in a piece of paper. It didn’t occur into my mind that this very day would be the last day of my pregnancy.

10 October 2010 (Sunday)

The contraction kept coming and at this point of time, the pain became stronger and longer. I remembered that the pain came at every half hour starting at 12am and when it reached 3am, the pain started to come at every 15 minutes. It was 4am, that we decided to go to Hospital Ampang for checkup. I told my parents about our plan to go to the Hospital and I managed to seek their forgiveness before leaving the house. I had mixed feeling along the way to the hospital and GOD knows how scared I am at that time.

I reached the hospital at 420am at was been told to go to the labour room for checkup. Hubster was told to wait outside by the nurse as I went inside the room. I did the routine checkup for the people who are in labour. The nurse confirmed that I had 3cm opening at 440am. She told me that I would be transferred to ward to get some rest and I would come again to the labour room at 8am.

After spending an hour or so at the labour room, I’ve been transferred to the ‘waiting’ ward. Hubster accompanied me to the ward but later was been directed by the guard to leave the ward as no husband is allowed to be at the ward after visiting hours. Irony ah? At this point of time, I am in need of my pillar of strength to be 24/7 with me but was not allowed to have that privilege. So there, I am berzikir tak henti until the clock struck at 8am.

  Just before 8am, I called a nurse to request for a pain killer as the pain was unbearable at this stage. She then, performed the infamous ‘opening check’ where she used her two fingers to check for any opening from the ‘bottom’. She then later confirmed that I had 5cm opening and ready to be transferred to the labour room. You guys might wondering on my pain killer request right? Stay tuned as the ‘pain killer’ drama is about to come.

At 830am, I was later been transferred to the labour room. I met the same nurses who performed the CTG test just now. They are now preparing for my delivery. A doctor came and she then performed an operation to break my ‘air ketuban’. I requested the pain killer again to the doctor in charge and she told me that she needs to check the baby’s heartbeat first before the pain killer is given. So I waited.

After half an hour spent at the room, I have to say that the pain cannot be tolerated anymore. I kept on calling the nurse and told him the contraction that I had was unbearable. I was literally asking their mercy to ease the pain. They advised me again and again to blow the gas provided to ease the pain. But seriously man, the gas is created to psychologically ease the pain not physically. The gas did nothing at this stage to help me out from this misery.

At 9am another doctor came in and I was literally happy to see her as my request for pain killer has been ignored since 8am. She then checked my condition and to my surprise she did not allow any pain killer to be given at me at this point of time as my contraction was so strong. According to her lah. She advised me to relax a bit (gila apa?) and she said that my baby will be delivered soonest that I thought. Just imagined, me with the strong contraction and not be able to have hubster beside me. I am beyond sad at this stage.

Later at 920am, I called the nurse again as the pain was so …… She later check my opening and its already 8cm. She told me to wait as the opening needs to be reached until 10cm. I told her I cannot take the pain anymore and I have the drive to push by now. Five minutes later, the other nurse came and checked the opening again and then prepared for my delivery. She asked another nurse to call for hubster as I am about to deliver the baby.

930am; hubster was there standing beside me. He tried to reach my hand to ease the pain but I told him nicely that I cannot hold his hand as I was afraid I would cause some damaged to him. The nurse asked me to take a 10 second deep breath and push. It was hard not to lift up your leg but I was been told not to do that as it would ‘injured the bottom’. Alhamdulillah, at 9.40am, I safely delivered a baby girl, Wan Nuha binti Wan Kasim weigh 3.61 kg. I am beyond syukur.

After I have been stitched up, the nurse came with Nuha for the breastfeeding. That was the first moment I hold my baby and I cannot express my feelings with words. The family came sometimes later to see Nuha for the first time and I didn’t feel the need to rest as I was beyond happy to see everyone gathered for this precious day.

It was 730pm the very same day, the test from God came. Initially, we have detected breezing sounds came from Nuha’s breathing. We called the nurse and she performed oxygen test on Nuha. She said the oxygen level was normal and nothing to worry. But, later when hubster called the nurse again at 730pm, just before he was about to leave the hospital, Nuha was then being taken to procedure room for another test. As hubster needs to leave (because the visiting hour has ended), he asked me to update him with Nuha’s condition. I waited until 830pm but no one came with any results. 10 minutes later, a nurse came and told me to give her some diapers and wet wipes for Nuha and she was surprised that I didn’t know that Nuha has been transferred to Neo-Natal  ICU for monitoring. Imagined my feeling at that time. With all the pains from the delivery, I pulled some strength to walk and get the details out from the doctor. A nurse told me to go straight to the ICU to get the infos as they have not been informed anything on my baby’s condition. I walk slowly to the ICU (which no one told me the location) and search for my baby.

Being in the ICU was stressful as you can imagine. With no direction and all, me by myself literally checked every baby cot at the ICU in my search for Nuha. I then asked the nurses in-charge, and I was being informed that Nuha has been located at the Intensive section. I walked slowly and to the Intensive section and met with the On-Call Doctor. She explained Nuha’s situation and asked me not to worry. The reason why they took Nuha to the ICU was to monitor her ‘fast breathing’ and to check whether her blood has been infected or not. She said that this is normal procedure and to know the reason of Nuha’s fast breathing.

I then called hubster to inform and he came to the hospital as fast as he could. Although he knew that he cannot meet Nuha that night, he still came to calm me at the hospital. The next day, we were told that Nuha needs to be monitored at the hospital for 5 days as the specialist wanted to run 5-days antibiotics for her. I have been advised by the doctor to rooming-in together with Nuha because Nuha is fully-breastfeed. So we spent another 5-days at he hospital and man, you cannot imagined how restless we were.

After we have been discharged from the hospital, me and hubster decided to register Nuha’s birth at the Klinik Kesihatan for their daily monitoring. During our 5 days at the hospital, Nuha has been diagnosed with Jaundice and was been put under ‘phototherapy’. At the Klinik Kesihatan, Nuha’s Jaundice was been detected at 10.5. The nurse told us to monitor her jaundice and the level should lower than 10. So she asked us to come again to the clinic on Monday to check on her jaundice level.

On Monday, her jaundice level has lower to 10.1. We were glad and thankful to Allah. As I was about to step outside from the clinic I felt warm blood came out from the lower part. I thought it was the normal ‘darah nifas’. I stood outside the clinic and waited for hubster to fetch us up. But, the running blood didn’t stop. I started to panic as I was carrying Nuha and saw my blood was all over the floor. I took another step to more comfortable area and saw hubster came. I told him to walk fast and took Nuha from my hand. I was about to faint but told myself to stay strong. Hubster ran as fast as he could with Nuha on his hand for help. Later, I was been carried to the emergency room at the clinic and was given drip before the ambulance came and took me to the hospital. At the hospital, I was been told that the gushing blood that I had was due to the infection that I had in my blood. Hence, I have been admitted again to the hospital with Nuha (as I need to breastfeed her) for 3 days.

Our own ‘amazing race’ didn’t end just yet. On the next check-up for Nuha’s Jaundice, her level has rise to 12. I was devastated a bit but later after much thought and encouraging words from the hubster, I took this as a test from The Above. I have been advised by the nurse at the clinic to take Nuha everyday to check on her level. As for now, Nuha has been diagnosed with Prolonged Jaundice as she is now 28 day old. We have taken Nuha for blood and urine test last week and the result for the test will be out this Thursday. We are just hoping for the best for our daughter. According to the doctor, if Nuha is active and breastfeed regularly which is the case for Nuha, she will be fine. We are praying constantly for her best of health.

Those situations above are quite adventure for us, for our little family. To tell you the truth, I did have my breakdown some other days. My family and in-laws are all worried if I were to get the post-partum stress. I still remembered one time where I felt very much detached from my own baby as I was so restless. Thanks to none other, my pillar of strength; my husband. He has proved to me and Nuha on how dedicated and patience he was (and still) embracing those challenges. During our days in the hospital, he will come as early as he could to the hospital to be with us although I can tell from his eyes of how tired he was. He brings positive energy to me in order to be strength and ‘tawakal’. On the day where I had mixed feelings while in the hospital, he quickly left his works just to calm me down. He will come to the hospital at the wee hours (although that was not permitted). Me and Nuha cannot express our ‘kesyukuran’ to have him in our lives. Thank you ayah for being who you are. We love you.

Not to forget, our endless thank you to all dearest friends for their prayers and thoughts especially to mummy sarah and daddy ali in US, aunty majie, mama p-jot, aunty reen, aunty erna, aunty nad, mak etty and the rest of the family, aunty teha, aunty as, aunty tim and all you lovelies, you know who you are. We are touched by your warm thoughts throughout our little journey.

p/s: I know I have yet to post nuha’s picture. I just hope I get some free time to do that this week. Please bear with me. :)